I have read bo sanchez archieves while listening to amy seeley’s gravel lines. For the past 7 days I’ve never been so happy seeing my cousins again from manila. There were a lot of plans going on my head and I want to accomplish them all. But sadly, we can’t do all of those, fortunately just a few of them. Like visiting our lola together with our other cousins, AND for the first time we were complete. The most exciting and fulfilling day we had with our lola and lolo. I will miss all those times, all of them. I hope and pray that everything will go well with all of us. Centainly, it’s the best gift a one could receive from a family. You can look into our eyes how our hearts glow knowing that even the family isn’t that perfect yet we were Happy.
Well, I guess a contrary goes with me for the past few days. A battle with my heart, confused mind and arrogant soul prevails. I hope I could search into myself again the courage, hope, love and happiness I had way back then. I know, I should not depend my happiness to someone. I shouldn’t compare. I shouldn’t demand. And I shouldn’t be a perfectionist. I realized maybe I was looking into my life as a fairytale, a story with happy ending and a story with roses, chocolates and flowery words. I was expecting much with the person whom I love. And here I am, ended up dismayed.
It’s difficult to love but it’s more difficult to accept whom you love. I mean for who he is, to you and to others. The way he thinks? The way he reacts? The way he see things, that is very different from yours. The way he rejects you, the way he forgets about you and everything that goes with you. The way you feel left alone, the way you hope, the way you wish and the way you faithfully do everything for him. And now that you want to walk away and leave things behind. You can’t just let go of the memories you had with him maybe because you have learned to accept everything and love everything.
I am not strong, I am not numb and mostly I am not insensitive. I can’t hold on to things hurting me deep inside my soul. How I wished I could write another prayer to help me motivate to look unto you and say it would still work. Instead, I say a prayer asking for strength, courage and divine power to move on. I hope I am just joking, but it’s real this time. I am letting go. I thank GOD because He made me realized a lot about life, love, and sacrifice. If I could just marry HIM, I would but I couldn’t. So, I guess I just have to wait for someone HE made specially, perfectly, patiently, for me.
