heart has a mind of its own.

March 23, 2009 at 7:09 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
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I’m looking at you, and i’m sure you don’t know what i am thinking. I am certain that, i’m not anymore a part of you.

People may say that i’m stupid cause it is almost a year. But still i’m not over you. I’m laughing at myself. oh, let me correct it, my mind is laughing at my heart. hahaha,.. I’m pretty much aware that a year is long enough to move on.

I promised myself to avoid you. I know you pity yourself that time cause your expecting me to be with you always. Funny to say this but,i’m not the one who leaves. Its not me, the first who gave up . Remember its you. I am the one who was left. So, hahahaha. Stop acting as if your the one who needs comfort.

Sorry if sometimes, i prefer talking to your brother than giving attention to you. Sorry if im loosing my interest with you. When it seems you want to have a conversation with me. Its not pride.its self-respect.

I know i love you. And this love says i have to leave you. :)

I love you Michael. Goodbye.

No doubt,Your one of a kind..

you missed by debut!

you missed by debut!

How is it suppose to be?! :]

February 7, 2009 at 2:31 pm | In HIM, boyfriend, love, loveone, special someone | Leave a Comment
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Love her. Love him! and were ON ! Officially On! Committed! MArried. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

When it comes my way. I tend to check if i am capable of loving. ANd then Love grows. In ascending manner. It doesn’t grows backwards. Discover many ways and, many things about each other. Learn to love him/her not by her physical qualities but how he views the world. I’m not refering to mental capabilities but looks upon the person’s optimism. The courage that is within him. The Beauty that he displays emotionally and socially. Being good to yourself doesn’t necessarily means being selfish. It shows how significant is your life to you, and the people around you.

“How a guy, treats his mother is as same as how he treats his wife to be” .

” Girl’s Criteria of choosing a lover is based on her father’s quality”

Along this process, it is much more meaningful and delightful if one relationship fails because of too much love for each other rather than the love that was lost and a love that lies. It is much more wonderful to hear if relationship grows stronger because of the discovered commonalities and rare find virtues than hearing the success of it because of personal goals.

Whether you like it or not. Love comes our way. But be sure to recognize a kind of love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Smells ART

August 16, 2008 at 9:14 pm | In art, artist, painting, passion | Leave a Comment
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I remember way back in high school when i used to draw some of the famous portraits…i really admire my brush, its strokes give firm beauty and lightness to my obra. the sketching was quite difficult. you must be very careful, making sure that its detailed. One mistake results to devoid of its original picture, which each artist wouldn’t like to happen.

The First and the Last step was my favorite.

First; the EYES… using the small brush with the hard point. i don’t know why but i love filling the circles with charcoal powder leaving one small circle inside it( of course, following the direction of the eyes). Then, whenever there are unwanted lines or strokes. “CLAY ERASER” is the solution..originally called “Kneaded Eraser” the rest of the IV-AQUINO termed it the clay eraser, because obviously it seemed like a clay.hehehehe..One classmate of mine..loves to mold different structures from it (i forgot hes name)..Its soft and mouldable.It usually comes in color gray.

Last; Hmmmnnn.. Marie and I , loves the part of actually putting on our signature on the right bottom portion of the linen paper, above the date it was made.It was when i think the portrait was almost perfect and ready to be sealed in a frame. That certain portion is naturally charcoaled by our palms. If your wondering what particular charcoal we used. Well, its charcoal pencil. We didn’t have them from furnace (^^,) even if its possible..I remember my classmate brought with him a shell of coconut charcoal.hehehehehe…that was quite funny but he had some point, afterall those charcoal pencils came from that piece of charcoal shells. I’m not discriminating him nor condemning him in the name of art, Its just its not appropriate to bring charcoal shells in school. Anyhow, I love it smells (^^,)..its smells wood, Ever tried breaking your pencils? It has similar aroma, its relaxing though. And If you think I’m lunatic, for actually defining everything by its smell, well i think you’ve got some point on that matter. Anyways, lets go back to the signature “thing”,I see to it that its written dark and clean. I usually substituted eyeliner instead of using pen or pencil…sort of “TM”. Its a secret actually. but i dont mind including it here..i would be more grateful sharing a part of me.


…I miss our teacher, Mr. Romeo Rosario..he has been a good instructor,a coach and a caring father to us,he taught us a lot. about art and more about life. He’s very consistent in teaching us, from the basics, techniques until the difficult part of so called painting..Even if i didn’t meet his expectations in winning in some art contests. I, personally, can (humbly) say that i didn’t fail him in his expectations in a person he wants me to become.

He was there…

August 4, 2008 at 5:34 am | In academics, passion, student | Leave a Comment
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Well, actually im really not sure of what i am thinking lately…The whole week was bit oraganized and seems time just passed me by. Got million things to do. Hey, Im not really like this before, used to be laidback and carefree. BUT i guess its GOD’s will to be not in myself temporarily..hahahaha dont take it literally.. im not that chaotic at this moment of time. What im telling is that, since everythings fast changing.. im not feeling the things around me lately .(call it numbness its quite beed). .

Been this before. way back in high school…but the thing is i am facing it alone…Ever been in a state of “GGB” GULO GUlo BUHAy?!! hahahha…the usual  busy term in the (CON) -College of Nursing. .dept. I can still remember when my twin used to tell me, during my 50/50 condition (hahaha im not dying,,just nervous!)

“Ayaw pag’ulaw-ulaw uy..dili jud ka mabuhi ana!”

” T_T ay uy..dghan man gud tao!”
(my usual line…)

hahahha..funny still feelin’ my feet shaking right now..it was during our meeting de avance (did i spell it right?!! ) when i ran as USSG president..The whole court was filled with students… im not talking about a school here having only two sections in every year level…its like a sea of crowd.its like,, again a nightmare…but when your actually done with the stuff on the stage.. you will feel satistfied and relieved.and HUNGRY of course..hahahahaha…its true!

Back on the track… so why im saying its GOD’s purpose?!…hmmmnnnn i can’t really figure it out but.. whenever i cant understand whats goin on.. thats the time im sure God is working on, on it..( “it”-  my life)..I just trust HIM and keeps my Faith strong.  In the midst of my struggles and in the  flood of  joy.. HE WAS THERE…

ERRrrrr… feeling sleepy right now…i guess .i badly needs  a rest
….again, i have million things to do…i can do this….
Michael (Bestfriend) : always tells me to label tough things as “walay challenge” sounds airy at first but..believe me, it works !

Sweet nightmare, Sweet lies yet a Sweet Dream

July 31, 2008 at 12:18 pm | In love, loveone, passion, relationship, special someone | Leave a Comment
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Like any other nights, last night was the usual. Its just a couple of hours in the net, trying to enjoy surfing, or reading few blogs. Then take a glimpse at my books.(im not studios,i just love scanning) then sleep….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(dream………………………………..)

Well, i cant actually remember the whole content of the narrow space i have been for hours. All i can remember was im with the guy whom i hate that much but love him like no other. I dont know him, but i have a good feeling that he’s someone near my heart. The rain pours and im still feeling the hatred i have for him, for leaving me alone walking.I dont know where were going , i just followed him.

I felt trembled when all is fast fading, tears roll down.
.
.
(pause)
.
.
A warm hug restores everything. The arms,where i was feeling safe and secure. tingles my skin. fingers to fingers.Slowly arms folds to tightness.Elbow to Elbow.feeling the chest at my back.Now, its head to head. i almost cried.When i thought that someone would leave me, then he was just gone at my back. Should i say “someone’s watching over me”?!

when im almost, done with everything, it crosses my path in clandestine.
.
.
.
>ding<
Morning shine…
everybody’s gone…
Home alone..

i painted a sad face. Feeling alone again.
i lie down.. closed my eyes..no tears.
no more rain,nobody’s there.


i just hope i wont be experiencing it again. It just keeps coming back to me like cycle.
it hurts badly, but i can tolerate. Sometimes it gets better when it gets painful.
the thing is even if how much effort i would risk. Still, getting what i want wont satisfy me.
Gets?!! i just hope, you get it.

“its a sweet nightmare, sweet lies, yet a sweet dream.”

Blue nights

July 18, 2008 at 4:31 pm | In HIM, love, loveone, passion, relationship, special someone | 9 Comments
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The darned forgotten feelings refreshen my thoughts.
I just keep a meek aura feeling in pain and betrayal ..
still consider myself as a lost one.
It was then i have realize.
it was not easy to forgive someone who abuses your trust..
the great anticipation for revenge reaches my consciousness ..
I wanted to do the things beyond my control..
I envy the courage he possesses.
It is somewhat consistent and powerful..
My soul is breaking.
It is always in vain …
I’m living in chasm.

i take big steps, big changes
but how come stars does not show parallax?!!
its stupid sometimes.
imagine doing sacrifices.
Doing things your not suppose to do.
Just to strengthen your ruin spirit.
then  you’ll end up figuring it out that your not even a mile a way.

unLucky!!

July 18, 2008 at 7:01 am | In academics, nursing, parent, student, studies | Leave a Comment
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hi there!!! this time I’m going to write…everything i wanted to shout out!!!this is not about my ex boyfriend or either my lost thoughts…hahahaha…At first i thought it would be nice and very practical to become a nursing student. i believed you just need to enhance your nursing skills, how you manage your clients, and to just study cases. well that was my big idea about nursing.NSG.

Its been 1 year since i became a nursing student. At first i got excellent grades in almost all of my subjects. im very aggressive and competitive.  I make sure i really got the lesson feed it mind and  learned it in heart. WOW.. But now theres a horrible changes. I just focused on my MAjor subjects and i just give a little effort on my minor. Honestly, I’m a bit disappointed about my practice lately..For example , i take the physics exam , just this morning. and only got 18 over 40. its stupid. i hate it…… i need motivation.. i think i got destructed because i forgot to bring my permit. and our physics teacher would not allow me to take the exam w/o it.. grrrrrrrrrr. So i let my ask my twin sister to bring it ..not to mention my mother’s anxiety. Thats why i still dont want to go home right now. Im afraid my mom would be angry. Right now i hate myself. ……confused and bored. My mom had undergone hysterectomy.. last week and still recovering.. And now i gave her a damn headache…T-T..

WELL , to become a nurse is still long way to run….

whew.. im so tired..

im still thinking if i would go home this early or not…

but i wonder who’s taking care of my mom right now..T-T

huhuhuhuhuhu…

lets just call it bad luck!!

grrrrrrrrr…..

or its just not my day…

i miss sleeping …

i miss swimming…

hahahahay.. im dreaming again..

i guess.. this is the best way …to escape from reality for a while..

toootttttttttt……

EgO DiLiGo VoS Placidus

May 29, 2008 at 5:35 pm | In boyfriend, friendship, love, loveone, relationship, special someone | Comments Off
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And when did i say that it was my fault?! I’m not mad at you, I’m not blaming you either. Its just that I’m sorry for the both of us..cause it could have been ME, if you tried to;if you really wanted to. but what else can i do?! its over. i just have to embrace the fact that i failed again..
I don’t have to deny that i love you still, i do care still. its not that i cant move on and leave you behind. i just wanted to take things slowly, cause the more i force myself the more the tendency i get myself hurt over and over again. I don’t want to be emotional this time, i wanted to view this on a brighter side, in a lighter perspective.
Because i wanted you to be happy, i let you go, even if i am still holding on. I admit I’m still hoping, that someday it would be still you. Call it crazy in love. But the whole time I’m with you . I’m happy (ENERVON), I’m complete(CENTRUM),and I’m regenerated(HavItAll) hahahahahha. And hey I can still live my life up without you, i did live even if without you before, however, its not that as pleasant, as perfect when your around!
Hmmmmnnnn..Am i appreciating you that much?!
At least i don’t have to shout that Ego Diligo Vos etiam!! You can read my thoughts. I can survive this with a smile in face and joy in my heart. No more chasm. i know your happy, i know you will now have that peace of mind.No hard feelings…I know you just don’t want to continue hurting me.right?!

~stars are falling, there is still hope for our wishes to be granted…Keep reaching the stars, keep wishing,keep dreaming,keep hoping,keep loving,keep praying.~

” I told you i wont regret, because i know its God’s will (^-*)”

Vicis Promitto

May 26, 2008 at 1:39 pm | In boyfriend, love, loveone, relationship, special someone | 2 Comments
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It’s time to keep the pieces of a broken heart,there’s no mending, there’s no brand new start..maybe I just have to face the truth.I’m losing you and there’s nothing I can do.

Maybe it’s time to let go, it’s time to move on,time to forget what we have shared.I just have to learn..getting over all the days;Tomorrow is a lonely day that I must face.To try and get back on my feet would be a waste..hmmmmnnn.well,There are many questions left in my mind and obviously I can’t find the answers
But I know it is true, it is time to let go :)

“If you have your chance now, take it.If you want something, nothing cant stop you.Don’t live your life up to fate or destiny or whatever.Its always your choice. (Take charge.)Do what you can now.Do what makes you happy.and to hell with the consequences. If you get bitten, then you’ll know it wasn’t for you.At least there won’t be regrets or what if’s.”

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~ There are always risk , but not taking that risk is an even bigger risk~

Thank you and I love you (^-^)
Again Chow!

COward

May 24, 2008 at 5:03 pm | In HIM, boyfriend, love, loveone, relationship, special someone | 1 Comment
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tell me what are you suppose to tell me..

are you angry?!

are you jealous?

are you sad?

are you confused?

see?!i was not born to figure out whats into your mind!! haven’t heard from you in a week… I’m so tired of sending you messages, how can you afford not replying even once?! I don’t want to say this but i think your coward!!! its so pathetic…i thought your intelligent enough to handle this!!! remember: things would not be Okay and settled not unless, you speak it out to me… Macky!!

i will wait…

better make some moves.

honestly, your making it hard for me!!!!!

and i think your making it easy for yourself…

don’t be selfish…

:( stop hurting me like this!!

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